Can You Pass The Grey Poupon?

I really should have listened to my mother when she told me to be an orthodontist after I finished dental school. Then maybe right now I would be sitting on a yacht asking someone to pass me the Grey Poupon or something. But noooo, instead I am a general dentist who today had to endure the loud screams of a mother of one of my patients. She was screaming at the top of her lungs at her already terrified child and was almost trying to sit on top of the child as the kid sat in the dental chair. When I stared at the mother in awe of her behavior, she actually told me that I should be thankful that she was helping me. Yes, she was very helpful in giving all of the people in the office, the suites on the entire floor and her child a headache. Thanks!

Even the Bank of America customer service rep I spoke to on the phone last night told me I should be an orthodontist. I agreed with him. I have to admit that conversation was odd. Maybe because I called at 10pm last night and he felt like he had no one else to talk to. We had a talk about his family’s orthodontic issues and how much it was costing him. His computer was slow processing my transaction so I ended up learning a lot about his life. He told me I’m still young and can go to ortho school if I want to. I said, “yeah….eh…no”. He laughed.

Anyways, later I tried to shake off my nerves after having someone scream in my ear. Not an easy task. By the way, as soon as the mother left the room that child went from a frenzied state to a calm and peaceful one in 2 seconds. There is something to be said for keeping parents out of the exam room.

 I had quite the day. After a long day and a full load of patients. My neck, back and spirit were bruised. I never knew dentistry would be so physically taxing. If I had known, I would have done something less strenuous, like working for a moving company or something.

I sat at my desk trying to muster up enough energy to get up and go home. Ever have one of those days where you sit at your desk trying to get up and leave? You want to leave but you just…can’t move..out from under the pile of paperwork. It was when I suddenly found a boring insurance claim hilarious that I decided it was time to go home before I lost my mind.

I stood at the elevator and wondered why it wasn’t coming. I cursed the makers of the elevator and wondered why nothing worked in our building. Suddenly I realized I never pushed the button to bring the elevator to my floor. If you push the button it makes things go more smoothly. Make a note of that!

Maybe if last night I had gotten an ounce of sleep I would have handled the days events better. Sleep really is a cure for all woes. Last night I woke up because the sound of a moth bouncing around my room actually woke me and kept me up. Yes, the sound of a moth landing on different things in my room was enough to wake me. I ended up doing battle with it at 2 am and in the end lost. I chased it and used a giant plastic flower as my weapon of choice. I ended up accidentally hitting myself with it instead. I never found out what happened to that little sleep stealing moth. Perhaps it will return tonight. I decided I really need a fly swatter.

In the end, parents are generally right when they offer you career advice. My mother told me to be an orthodontist and my father (who is a dentist too) told me not to be a dentist at all. Who was right? Somehow they were both right.

So listen to your parents when it comes to career advice but ignore them completely when they try to give you love advice. Parents cannot..(except for a few miraculous exceptions to this rule) I repeat cannot give good love advice. If they ever try to play matchmaker with you, run…do not walk in the opposite direction. Just smile and nod at them, then run like you have never run before. Trust me on this one. :)

Happy Friday!!!



Let Them Eat Candy



There is something that has been on my mind for the last 9 years that I really must get out there and into the open. I can’t hold it in any longer. There are things that must be said.

Yesterday I was in the middle of treating a patient when one of the dental assistants walked into the operatory. She whispered to my assistant asking if she had any candy. My assistant informed her that she had a bag of Werther’s candy. The other assistant sounded relieved because she was hungry.

This whispered conversation happened in front of me (dentist) and my patient (dental patient) who was currently sitting in the chair getting work done. Hmmmm what is wrong with this picture?

At the end of their conversation I laughed out loud and told both of them they should be ashamed of themselves to have the nerve to have that conversation in front of my patient and myself. My patient laughed. I’m glad she was amused and not mortified.

Later, I began thinking about this candy issue. Many of the patients walk in with candy in their mouths that they hastily remove seconds before sitting in the chair. Some (especially kids) ask me for candy. This has never ceased to amaze me.  


Do you go to the dermatologist and carry a tanning bed with you?

It’s like going to the cardiologist’s office carrying a vat of Ben and Jerry’s ice cream with a slab of chocolate covered bacon sticking out of it and using the bacon as a spoon to feed yourself the ice cream.   

It’s like getting a physical and taking the stress test and smoking a cigarette at the same time.

It’s like going to the gym and running on the elliptical while you are drinking a six pack of beer.  

It’s like waking up from the anesthesia after a triple bypass heart surgery and asking the nurse to bring you a pound of butter so you can slather it all over your pancakes that your friend smuggled into the hospital for you.

It’s like an asthmatic wheezing and using a rescue inhalor with one hand and smoking a cigar with the other.

You don’t do any of that do you?

If you do, you are hilarious and I want to be your friend.  But that being said, I have never understood why patients bring candy, and soda into the office. They bring that gigantic tub of soda into the exam room and rest it right on the counter right in front of me. Then when I find 900 cavities, they are confused. LOL

I’m not a moron, I know people drink soda, eat candy, don’t floss etc etc. But must you flaunt it in front of your dentist? Must you sit in the dental chair with   chocolate still not completely chewed inside your mouth? Do I have to ask you to remove the Sour Patch Kid candy resting on your tongue so that I can check for cavities?

I know that people do all of these things but I prefer to be lied to. Let me live in blissful ignorance about your bad habits. You tell me you never eat candy or soda and I will nod and smile and know it’s a lie but never call you out on it. Isn’t that better?

But noooo, everyone has to be soo honest with me ;)

Honestly, I’m not mad. I just think its hilarious and it always makes me giggle.

Dentists are no better either, trust me. Dentists send each other professional gift baskets filled with sweets and candy for holidays or any old day. We don’t need holidays anymore. Even this one dental supply company we work with ships us dental supplies often including a complimentary bag of candy in with the order. I of course always never ever ever partake in that candy bag. Ever..That would be hypocritical of me.

 Perhaps I’m just going about this the wrong way. If you can’t beat em, join em. Maybe I will leave a huge bowl of candy in the waiting room and put one in each operatory too. I can even put a soda machine in the waiting room. I throw my hands up and give up.

Let them eat candy and drink soda. It’s not like they are going to listen to me anyways ;)

 Happy candy eating!!!!