Sitting On The Fence

 Have you ever been so stuck on a decision that you just don’t know what to do? You examine it from every possible angle and still can’t decide? You look at all of the outcomes and scenarios and it still leaves you stumped? All of your thinking and wishing for the right answer has left you no closer to the solution and you are only more confused than ever as to what you should do.

I spent years pontificating, ruminating, hoping, wishing and praying that I make the right decision. All of that thinking was just thinking and no real decision was made. I was left in a sea of indecision with no life raft to get me out. 

I know this happens to everyone. It can be incredibly frustrating. Recently I finally made the decision that had been plaguing me for 8 years. It was a question of should I stay or should I leave? I finally felt an enormous weight lift off of me when I finally decided.

In retrospect, I realize that what was holding me back from making a decision was fear. I knew that once I decided, I would have to act on that decision. I think the fear of moving forward kept me on the fence. This can happen to anyone. I understand that now. At least I know I won’t take so long with any future decisions that come my way…hopefully ;)

If you are struggling with your own decision about something, try to understand what is keeping you on the fence. You may realize that fear may be holding you back. We fear we may make the wrong choice, or even the right one. We know that once we make a choice we have to move towards that decision and all of the changes that come with it.

Don’t stay on the fence, it is a very uncomfortable place to perch yourself. It’s a relief when you finally decide and jump off the fence and onto the soft ground below. Life is too short to spend it with indecision.

Just my thoughts for tonight.

Caroline

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The Dreaded Menu

 

Tonight I went to a tiny little basement restaurant with friends called Little Serow in D.C.  It was like being in your parents basement being served by strangers who kept bringing you bowls of spicy goodness. It is a set menu chosen by the chef. This is a huge plus for me because when it comes to food I can be a basket case of pure indecision. The menu at any restaurant can be as daunting to me as what one should do with the rest of their life. I agonize over the indecision of “chicken or pasta” more than a prospective college student spends on deciding their major.

I was spared the agony of the menu. Ok, they did have a menu but really it more like a statement on paper telling you this is what you will be eating and God help you if you didn’t like it. Luckily my momentary panic at seeing rabbit liver and duck egg was quickly quelled when plate after plate of delicious food was placed in front of us. It was only after we finished eating that I said, “hey! where was the duck egg?” I ate it and didn’t even know it. It reminds me of the time I went to a dinner party and ate cow tongue and didn’t realize it. I grew up hating cow tongue. (they eat it in my culture) The very thought is revolting to me. However, at this dinner party they had a buffet of fish, chicken and what I thought was shredded pork. I ate all three and loved my food. It wasn’t until I overheard a guest say, ‘that tongue was delicious!’, that I realized what had happened. I ran over to the buffet table and counted: definitely fish, definitely chicken, and…oops.

Anyways, my point is that everything was delicious at Little Serow. I realized that sometimes it is nice to not have to make decisions. We are bombarded with decision making all day long and it’s nice to take a break from that.

It is also nice to try new things not just with food, but with anything in life. When you take the decision out of your own hands once in a while, life can pleasantly surprise you.

Caroline

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Stay or Go?

Today I got on a plane and left weather that looks like the above picture and view for cold and rainy weather and no ocean in sight. Believe me, I am still asking myself why.

I live in Maryland but my heart is in Miami. Everytime I get on a plane and leave Miami, I feel like something is trying to tether me in place. I feel like it is my home.

I wonder how many of us live in one city but our heart belongs to another place. It is like you have one foot in each location. People because of  their circumstances often end up living somewhere they hadn’t planned on living. Sometimes they grow up somewhere and yearn to break free and move somewhere else. If you haven’t experienced this then you are lucky. It can be quite heartbreaking.

The truth is that you really can live where you desire. Nothing is impossible. If you don’t like your circumstances and your zip code, then change it. It is easier than you think. I spent years trying to decide whether I should stay or go. The indecision was exhausting. It wasn’t until I finally made a choice that the weight was lifted off of my shoulders.

My advice is make a choice and run with it. Life is meant to be enjoyed. If your zip code is not making you happy then move. You can’t live with one foot in two cities for too long. It’s too tiring.

Caroline

 

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Making a Decision and Moving Forward

I received comments asking me to elaborate more on my previous post on “Making the Decision to Decide”. Its an important topic and I am happy to oblige my lovely readers :)

Decision Making

When we reach a crossroads in our life, we have to decide which way we are going to go.

I once had a dream that I drove to a major intersection in D.C. that I usually pass through. In the dream I parked my car at the intersection, got out of the car and pulled a lawn chair out of my trunk. I literally sat at the intersection in the chair and did not move.

I think the dream meant that I could not or would not decide what to do, so instead I decided to just sit at the fork in the road. I was either trying to wait for an answer or did not want to decide at all.

In reality, at the time that I had this dream, my life was at a crossroads. I was trying to decide which direction to take my life and it was creating a lot of stress and anxiety for me.

When you reach a crossroads in your life, don’t park at the intersection. Sitting with indecision will only create more stress for you and you will be further away from a solution.

Here are some steps you can take and use as a guide to help you decide on whatever dilemma is plaguing you:

1) Trust Yourself

This is a key step. If you don’t trust your judgement then it is really impossible to trust any of your decisions. If you can barely decide on the little things in your life then how can you expect to make the big decisions?

This step is a process. It may not happen overnight. It could take a while for many of us to be able to trust ourselves again. Keep telling yourself, “I trust myself and my decisions”. Recite this to yourself until it becomes ingrained in your heart and you believe it to be true. Do whatever you have to do. You can even put little notes up around your living space with that phrase written on it as a gentle reminder.

If you have spent years not trusting yourself and your judgment, then reprogramming yourself to think another way will be a process. After a while, you no longer have to try to trust. It becomes second nature to you.

2) Follow Your Instincts

In your heart, you already know what you need to do. Listen closely. Forget what everyone is telling you to do. You make the decision, not them.

We are creatures that are driven by our instincts. We always on some level know exactly what to do and what is right. The problem is that we let other things get in the way of our own insight. We also have a tendency to rationalize and talk ourselves out of what we truly want.

3) Decide

Armed with the trust in yourself and your instincts, you simply just decide. Make a decision and go with it.

Don’t go back to that intersection again and wonder if you made the right call. Move forward, not backwards.

What’s their secret??

I used to watch people make decisions without hesitation. They simply decided what they wanted to do and just did it. I was envious. I was a person who would second guess every single decision, big or small. For me, whether it was deciding what to order for lunch or a major life decision, it was a struggle.

These confident people that are never indecisive, I always wondered what their secret was. The truth is there is no secret. You just need a strong faith and trust in yourself. A close connection with your heart is also necessary. You need to know yourself well. That may seem simple enough, but I think a lot of people do not know themselves as much as they think they do and have lost a connection with themselves.

I hope this helps! For me, it’s an ongoing process but I have come a long way.

Remember, whenever you find yourself stuck at a fork in the road, the worst thing you can do is pull out a chair, sit there and do nothing at all.

 

Caroline

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Making the Decision to Decide

How often do you second guess yourself? Never? If you say never then I would love to make you my new best friend! If you do, then read on…

I have been notorious for second guessing myself.  Believe me, its exhausting, draining and unnecessary.

How much time do we spend trying to make sure we made the right decision about something? How many precious minutes of our lives are spent wavering over a decision, and then wondering if we made the right one. I did it all the time and I know I’m not alone.

I was thinking about that today and realized I spent a good chunk of my life doing that. Thinking, thinking, and more pontificating without making a real decision.
It doesn’t matter what we are trying to decide. It could be a small decision or a much more important one. Regardless, we often treat them both the same.

Why do we drive ourselves crazy like that? I remember when I was trying to decide which residency program I wanted to do after dental school. I agonized over it for what seemed like forever. I even scheduled interviews and ended up cancelling all of them because I was paralyzed with indecision. As I sat there one day with non-refundable plane tickets in hand for interviews I never went to, I realized that I went from having too many options to no options at all. Simply because I was too afraid to decide.

That was the point that I realized that making a choice, any choice was better than no decision at all.  In the end I did make a decision and called one of the schools where I had cancelled the interview and asked them to give me a second chance. I was lucky. I almost missed out on a wonderful opportunity all because I was afraid to decide.  

My point is, that whatever choice you are faced with in your life right now, just make it. Don’t waver, wait, pontificate, ruminate, etc etc. Just make a decision and trust yourself that you made the right one. Then, don’t lose sleep over what decision you made. Trust yourself.

 Don’t wait until its too late and you wish you had acted when you had the chance! Life doesn’t always offer second chances.

 now…what should I wear to work tomorrow? hmmmmm ;)

Caroline

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